ESC Etc.

Country: Germany
Artist: Isaak
Title: Always on the Run
Songwriter(s): Greg Taro, Isaak Guderian, Kevin Lehr, Leo Salminen
Tempo: 110 BPM Mode: Minor Key: A♯/B♭ Duration: 3:30

Oh, Germany. Germany, Germany, Germany. Germany has been bottom 5 in seven of the last eight contests. So that’s where we’re starting from. Germany’s current goal at ESC is not winning. It’s not coming Top 10. It’s getting out from last place. In a lineup leaning fairly heavily on the side of indie pop, Germany still had options: they could have gone folksy (Bodine), artsy (Ryk), acoustic (Leona), even electronic (Galant). Hell, they could have even gone full-on schlager (Marie). Instead, they went mayonnaisey.

I want to be clear. This isn’t a bad song. It’s not particularly good, but that’s not even the problem. The problem isn’t certainly Isaak, who’s singing his heart out and really sells the lyrics. The problem is that this is just about the most generic, basic, Michael Rice and James Newman-giving sad boy midtempo (a genre most deadly) ChatGPT would spit out if you fed it every song ever written by Imagine Dragons, Maroon 5, and OneRepublic all at once. To add to that: no staging, no meaningful camera work, no styling, no story being told. This is about the worst you can be at ESC, unfortunately: not good, not bad, not memorable, not distinctive, in most people’s Top 30, in no one’s Top 10. Which is exactly how you get blanked by the scoring system. Don’t have much else to add, unfortunately. Germany, we told you what to do. You didn’t listen. This one’s on you.

Jury Potential: Minimal to none.
Televote Potential: None.